Very Secret Diaries for Billy Budd
by Alayne Stone
Summary: In respect of Cassie Claire. Did your teacher torment you with Billy Budd? Not saying a word about the homoerotic subtext? Read these, and you'll get the REAL reasons behind the story.
1. Chapter 1: Novice

As I adore the Cassie Claire Secret Diaries to LotR, and the many other diaries inspired by them, I decided to make a bunch for Billy Budd.

**1.**

The Very Secret Diary Of Novice

Day 1

Angry with librettists for not giving me a name. Officers being bastards. I bumped into some random soloist officer and he was all like: "YOU GET FLOGGED!" I tried to apologize, but these fellows in uniform have no heart.

Later

Got flogged. It hurts. Am v. tormented. Don't like everyone hugging me and saying they are "comforting" me. Hands off, ye pervy dogs! I want to be alone and angst over how life sucks and I want to go home to my mom. Oh, besides, we got a pretty noob. He's v. kind, but he says he likes sailing. Weirdo.

Day 2

Master-at-Arms came to me and asked if I like flogging. Said no. He says he can protect me. Kissed his hand and told him I'd do anything. He hissed not to touch him and told he will ask a favour later. Methinks he be a mafia boss in disguise.

Night

Master-at-Arms turns out to be a pervy foretopman fancier. He was stalking around our berths and singing for, like, a half hour. Nobody could sleep and we thought someone could really slap him. But who dares?

Later

Oh no. After finishing his evil monologue, I was hoping to get some sleep at last, but he woke me and gave me gold and told me to betray Pretty Noob. But... I thought he likes the boy?  
Complicated. Pretty Noob is so kind. Feel v. miserable. But I fear the master-at-arms, so I did.

Two minutes later

Pretty Noob sent me to hell as soon as he could speak. Eek.

Day 3

Battle. Finally something happens. Captain v. heroic.

Later

French ship escaped. Demmed mist. Captain v. sad, and master-at-arms is going to annoy him again. Wonder what he wants.

Later

Both master-at-arms and Pretty Noob are in the captain's cabin. I wonder what these three are doing there.

Later

I have a bad feeling about this. They are still there. Officers joined. Asked Dansker what he thinks they're doing. He said some misty prophecy as usual.

Day 4

Turned out Pretty Noob actually slapped master-at-arms who died. What a looser.

Later

Oh no. Pretty Noob's going to be executed, to avoid mutiny. I mean, WTF captain. You know nothing about psychology. We are going to mutiny BECAUSE you execute our favourite shipmate, not because you don't.

Sunrise

Pretty Noob stopped mutiny by blessing captain. Wonder why did we all repeat it. Captain looked v. depressed.  
Conclusion: am v. sad for Pretty Nobb, but let's see the bright side: sadist bass is dead too.


	2. Chapter 2: Dansker

**The Very Secret Diary of Dansker**

Day 1

Nobody likes my misty prophecies. Am v. angry. I think they are badass and I like quoting the Bible.

Day 2

We got some new troublemakers. Grrrrreeeaaaaat. Red Whiskers keeps talking about his rights. I told him to look at the poor Novice who just got flogged. He suddenly learnt to keep his mouth shut.  
Pretty noob is very kind. Named him Baby. Doesn't seem to like it, but I don't care. He needs a wise father figure.  
Squak tried to play the tough guy, but Baby teached him who's the man here. Claggart appeared out of nowhere as usual and flattered Baby how handsome he is (especially shirtless), and handsome is as handsome did it. I got confused. If he says handsome one more time I'll kick him.

Night

Claggart is stalking around and singing. Very annoying. Don't like him at all. Besides, my voice is way better. (I was singing Philip when he was only the Monk, so don't know why is he so proud.)  
Later night

Baby awoke me and he tried to tell what happened. Something to do with Novice, gold, mutiny, and all this stuff. I saw the evil force behind this and told him Claggart is down on him. He didn't get it. Says Claggart is very nice with him, and called him a gem, pearl, beauty, and such things. Why is he SUCH a naive? He doesn't know yet it's way better when Claggart yells your head off, rather than smiling and flattering and pretending to be nice. *shudders*

Day 3

Battle. Slept it through, mostly, for I was awake almost the whole night. Damn these nervous leads.

Later

Oh no, Claggart is doing some mischief again. Don't know exactly what, but I feel evil overwhelming the ship like this demmed mist.

Later

Vere's cabin boy is running in, out, and in, and collecting the officers. Time to say some misty prophecies again. Maybe that will impress the others.

Night

That wicked son of a bitch. Baby slapped him deadly. I mean, how can you die from a single blow? Looser.

Dawn

Stalked in to give Baby some drink and comfort him. He's hopeless. It seems he actually enjoys this whole martyrdom thing. And he adores Vere. I almost told him what Vere should do to his respective mom.

Even more dawn

They hanged him. Poor boy. And we can't even do a nice mutiny because of this stupid blessing thing. Am v. upset. Hope Vere will live long but NOT prosper.


	3. Chapter 3: Billy

**The Very Secret Diary of Billy Budd, foretopman**

Day 1

Got impressed to Indomitable. Pretty big ship. Officers v. nice. They don't like the name of my former ship, though. Black-haired petty officer with intense eyes said I'm a gem. I think he likes me.

Day 2

Group hugging with Novice. He didn't like it. Well, I think when you get flogged even hugging hurts. Poor little thing. Told him sailing is great. He didn't seem to agree.  
Claggart took my scarf. Surely he thought the French might shot at me for red is pretty visible from a distance. Now isn't he cute for being so protective?

Later

I wonder how I am writing a diary if I'm illiterate?  
Captain Vere showed up. Instant love. He's so heroic and lovely and everyone adores him. Awww. 3

Night

Had fun with shipmates before going to bed. Took off my shirt. I wonder why is everyone gasping and sighing.  
Squeak tried to steal something from my bag. I think he wanted my tobacco. Told him it's not very nice, and he should ask for it rather than stealing, but he came with a knife. Had to teach him one or two things. I think he'll recover in a few days, though.  
Claggart thinks I'm handsome! Oh, now I'm sure he likes me.

Later at night

Claggart is stalking around me and singing. I like his voice. He was singing something about how pretty I am, but then I didn't understand his metaphors.  
Novice came to me and gave me some shiny gold. Nice. Wait, he wants to drag me into a MUTINY?! Against the world's most adorable Captain? I... I... I can't find words. AWAY WITH YE!  
Oh. This was hard. I got tempted!  
Dansker says Claggart is down on me. Dunno what does he mean. Maybe he has also heard that strange serenade.

Day 3

Battle! Oh yeah! I'll kick some French arses to impress my dear Captain. Go me.

Later

French escaped. Demmed mist. Captain v. sad. Want to comfort him.

Later

Oh, Captain wants to see me! Maybe I can comfort him now.  
I asked if he wants me to be closer to him. I'd so totally protect him from everything, and die for him. he's so cute I want to hug him, but you can't hug a captain. Stupid rules.  
Claggart came in and he's really weird. Maybe he's heard when I told Vere I'd die for him. I should tell him I like him too, he doesn't need to be jealous. But he's talking about I'm a traitor to my country and my king and things like that. Hey, he wants to piss me off? And he's coming nearer and he's creepy. Gahh, WHAT? Me! A mutineer!

Damn. Again. Can't talk.  
Vere tells to answer. Well... I DO. SHUT UP YOU DEVIL. NAO. *pwns him*  
Oops. Apparently I overreacted it a little.  
Vere pushes me into a closet and it's dark here. Am v. bored.  
He's soliloquizing. I want to hug him but he closed the door. Wonder why. I couldn't even harm a fly.  
...don't look at me like that, Claggart wasn't a fly.

Later

Officers are questioning me. Yeah, I kinda killed the dude, but HE SAID I BETRAYED MY KING! I love the king. I love Captain Vere. Captain! Save me. Please. You know I'd die for you.  
...Apparently he thinks I should die for him NOW.

Later

Captain came to the closet and we had a chat. He wanted to comfort me but we ended up me comforting him. I told him I do not fear death but he wasn't in a mood for Aragorn quotes. But I finally got to hug him! YAY!

Day 4

Being in the darbies sucks. I barely can move. Besides, singing my big solo handcuffed is not fun. Am v. angry with composer.  
Dansker came with some drink, and he told me they plan a nice mutiny. NO WAY! Nothing's gonna harm Captain Vere while I'm around!

Dawn

Officer reads the sentence. Well, hanging is not that bad. Let's look at the bright side: they could have keelhauled me, which is way worse. So, now...  
GOD BLESS CAPTAIN VERE!

One minute later

*dances the Hempen Jig*


	4. Chapter 4: Redburn

**The Very Secret Diary of Mr. Redburn, First Lieutenant**

Day 1

Suspect they stole my name from another novel of the Author. No matter, it sounds so manly.  
The whole ship is nervous because of this Spithead & the Nore business. We pretend nothing has happened.  
Got impressed three men. Two boring landlubbers and a very talented, very blonde, very nice boy. At least he likes sailing. Too bad he stutters, but if Claggart would ask me stupid questions and stare at me like that, I'd stutter too.  
Blondie climbed the mast and sang some silly song and at the end he said "farewell, old Rights-of-man". Oh, how PATHETIC.  
We told Claggart to keep an eye on him. He answered he'd keep both. Yeah, he was staring at him without even blinking and he told something about how the kid is a gem. Methinks he's just a pervy foretopman fancier.

Day 2

Captain showed up, and the crew turned into screaming fangirls. "We love you, Starry Vere!" Pathetic. Beautiful newbie named Billy almost hugged him. I thought he needs a nice flogging (like the rest of this scum), but Vere was all like: "AWWWWWW SO CUTE!" He seems to be a pervy foretopman fancier, too.

Evening

Vere invited us for a glass of wine. We told some not too nice things about the French and their moms, then chatted about the Spithead & the Nore thing. Methinks it would be a good name for a Navy Doom Metal band. Vere said he prefers classical music. And Plutarch.  
Later, we ended up talking about how pretty this Billy is and we mentioned the Rights of Man speech, but Vere told us it was actually the other ship's name. Hoped we could stay, but he threw us out.

Night

I think Ratcliffe and Flint love Vere, too, and now they're jealous that Billy got all his attention.

Day 3

Battle. Can't see anything in this cursed mist. Flint says he didn't even see a French ship.  
Billy stole the show again by telling he'd totally kick some French arses. I'm sure he just wanted to impress Vere.

Later

It seems he was successful.

Later

Wonder what Claggart and Billy are doing in the Captain's cabin.

Later

YAY! Billy pwn'd Claggart. Which is good, for 1. we all hated him 2. now we can eliminate our little problem.  
It wasn't very wise from Vere to make us three judges. I mean, does he not know we don't like rivals?  
Sentence: hanging. Goodbye, pretty boy. The captain is ours again. Actually, neither of us three has a chance, for the other two would kill him if he tries anything.

Day 4

Billy blessed Vere before dancing the Hempen Jig. Now THAT was pathetic. Vere v. depressed and he doesn't want comfort. Suspect ol' Dansker cursed him with long but NOT prosper life.  
I think Vere's a little mad at us. Hey, who accepted our verdict at the first place? Hypocrite.


	5. Chapter 5: Vere

**The Very Secret Diary of Captain Edward Fairfax Vere**

Day 1

I think impressment is not the best way to get faithful men. Some newbie with red whiskers was crying about his rights out there but he suddenly fell silent. Suspect Claggart has beaten him.  
Another newbie with nice baritone voice sang about the Rights-of-Man. Oh no, not again. That's something French. Those fellows DECAPITATED THEIR KING!

Day 2

Went aboard. Crew is fangirlish and call me Starry Vere. Very nice, lads. Newbie with nice baritone voice (named Billy Budd) wanted to hug me. He's so cute. Redburn, Ratcliffe and Flint were looking at me VERY wounded. Wonder what their problem is. Why is it bad if a sailor loves his captain?

Evening

Plutarch is good. I just thought I'd mention it.  
Invited officers for a glass of wine to heal their wounded little souls. They are so childish. They hate the French and they're also fangirling over me.  
They are afraid about the Spithead & the Nore thing. Redburn thinks it would make a good Navy Doom Metal band name. Suspect he meant they three want to found one. Told him I don't like the idea.  
Then we chatted about Billy. Everyone agrees he's pretty and good and nice and in general too perfect to believe.

Day 3

Cursed mist. Claggart wants to say something. I don't like his face. He's EVIL! Fortunately, there are some French to stop the plot for a while.

Later

Battle. Cursed mist. Can barely see French ship. Note to self: warn cousin Jack about mist, French, and surprise attacks.  
Billy volunteers to kick some French ass. He's adorable.

Later

French escaped. Am v. sad. Cursed mist.  
Claggart stalks to me again and wants to say something. I hate how he can't go on straight and say what he wants. He's EVIL.  
...after half an hour, turns out he accuses Billy(!) with mutiny. Thinks I'm a fool?  
Pervy foretopman fancier. I'll kill him if he tries anything.

Later

Alone in cabin. Very mad at Claggart. Hope he'll fail with his ridiculous accuses and I can punish him. Suspect he enjoys flogging, be it giving or getting.  
Billy arrives. Knows nothing about the whole thing, that's clear. He says he's die for me. We were about to have a nice duet in the old Verdi fashion but Claggart interrupted. He's EVIL.  
He doesn't try anything, but he repeats his lies to Billy's face who is jsut speechless. Poor thing. I try to calm him down but it activates something and Claggart gets pwn'd.

One minute later

...oh no, this demon actually DIED from a single blow. Talk about divine judgement.

One more minute later

Pushed Billy into closet. Closed the door. Hope he isn't bored in there. Sent cabin boy for officers.  
And now, I'll be pathetic. STRUCK DEAD BY AN ANGEL OF GOD! YET THE ANGEL MUST HANG!

Later

Officers are helpless. They want my counsel, but I'm a WITNESS, right? I can't be a judge. I leave the dirty job on them.  
Billy confesses everything. Wants to hug me. I want to save him, but I can't. Stupid law. Stupid war. Stupid mutiny act.

Later, alone

I accept their verdict.  
But OH GODS I FEEL SO GUILTY AND NOW I'M FULFILLING THE PLAN OF EVIL. Why me?

Later, with Billy

He's comforting me. Feel even more guilty.

Day 4

Didn't sleep the whole night.

Dawn

Redburn is reading the sentence aloud. Billy comes all in white and blesses me and dies in the glorious sunrise. Okay, it's too much. I pray for some French bullet, the faster the better.  
Suspect ol' Dansker just cursed me with a long but NOT prosper life.

Hundreds of years later

He cursed me. Really. Damn.  
But now I understand Billy's blessing and it comforts me. *sniff sniff*


	6. Chapter 6: Claggart

**The Very Secret Diary of John Claggart, Master-at-Arms**

Day 1

Abusing sailors is fun. Officers wanted Novice get flogged. Watched it. Had multiple orgasms.

Later

Oh, have to question impressed men. LOVE this job. Dude with red whiskers cried about his rights and the law. Stupid landlubber. I AM THE LAW here. Told him I'll shave his whiskers if he doesn't shut up. Suddenly he fell silent. Suspect everyone thinks I have beaten him.  
Oh, what - wait - HOLY LUCIFER, HELP ME!  
Beautiful angelic good guy around! Danger! Must keep strict morals! Must keep...  
Oh, damn the morals. He's too hot. And he stutters, but that's even more hot. And he sings of the Rights-of-Man. Officers say I should keep an eye on him. Oh, sir, you can be SURE I will. Both.  
Need. Cold. Water. Nao.

Day 2

Went to Novice in secret. Asked him if he likes flogging. He says he doesn't. Too bad. Wouldn't mind to have some BDSM with him. No matter, I think I can use him.  
Also commanded Squeak (useless piece of sh*t) to make trouble to Beautiful Angelic Good Guy.  
Oh, I'm so evil.

Later

Took Billy's scarf. I think he believed I want to protect him from the French. Don't think I could fool the others, though.  
*goes to perv over the scarf and think about evil plans*

Vere showed up. Crew all fangirlish. Oh, how I hate him. Billy wanted to hug him. Hoped I could flag the boy, but Vere found him cute. So, Captain, who's the pervy foretopman fancier here?!

Evening

Stupid Squeak screwed up the whole thing. Plan B coming. Squeak really useless.  
Told Billy how handsome he is. He doesn't seem to get what I want. Too bad for him.

Night

Am stalking around Billy. Hope I don't wake the whole crew with my EVIL aria. Also perving over the scarf.  
I JUST CANNOT BEAR IT. I MUST DESTROY HIM. OR BE DESTROYED BY HIM.  
Redburn would say I'm pathetic. But he's just jealous I got the best solo.  
Billy, beware... you'll dance the Hempen Jig in less than two days.

Later

Plan B. Got Novice. Gave him gold to tempt Billy to mutiny. Don't think it will work though. Which leads to... plan C.

Day 3

Novice failed. Plan C coming.  
Vere v. unfriendly. Also v. nervous. French come to stop the plot for a while.

Later

Battle. Billy had to sparkle again and said he'd kick some French arses. O, he just wanted to impress Vere. Seems successful.  
*sigh* Vere will kill me if I try anything.

Later

French escaped. YAY for mist. Stalked to Vere again. Thought about using the scarf as some kind of proof, but Billy's not a stupid blonde chick and Vere's not a stupid jealous Moor, so I decided not to.  
Told Vere about the whole mutiny thing. He didn't believe it but he wants a confrontation. BAD, matey! I know Billy better than you.

Later

Entered into cabin. Almost found them in flagranti. Suspect they planned to have a duet in that old Verdi fashion. (Believe me, you don't want to know.) Billy told Vere he'd die for him. OH YES BEAUTY THOU WILT DIE.  
YOU ARE A TRAITOR TO YOUR COUNTRY AND YOUR KING. I ACCUSE YOU. OF. MUTINY.  
Which is actually not true, but whatever could happen? He can't answer, just as I planned.  
*evil smile and ominous gazing*

I feel weird. Think he's just hit me. Which means he'll be hanged. I WON.  
*sudden darkness*


End file.
